If you know much about me you know I have a love-hate relationship with social media. I find it so fascinating to be able to keep up with those I love dearly, yet so depleting at the same time. There are times when I look at social media and think WOW, this is incredible… I get to watch as the children grow and see great progress in the lives of those that desire to grow for God’s glory. Then there are other times when I look at social media and think W how discouraging.
No matter what I do, I find myself stuck in this love-hate relationship.
I want to love it for all its worth. I mean, I am the generation that ROCKED MySpace. That's how me and my now husband stayed connected. Oh yeah, and AIM (AOL Instant Messenger for those under 25 reading this.. think FB messenger on dial-up speed... oh wait... forget it!)
I want to love all the cute pictures of all the kiddos. I want to chime in every time someone needs advice. I want to stay connected because truthfully I have severe FOMO (fear of missing out) if I am not in the "know" of what's going on around me.
Something had to give!!!
I didn't realize all that I had been carrying... but the Lord made it very clear that I was spending too much time on my device. I was getting frustrated with those I loved most in my household. My kids got the brunt of it. I wanted to be able to connect with people virtually but wasn't even connecting with these little people that I birthed into this world. I would get so flustered when I couldn't finish typing a sentence or reading what someone posted on their wall. I realized it this past week... It took me a minute (I am a natural blonde and it runs to the root if you know what I mean). I stepped away from the world that so engulfed me and found a whole new world waiting for me!!!!
What I got from giving it up...
During this past week of social media fasting, I found that my children were CRAVING their momma! I had MAJOR mom guilt after figuring this out. I mean to think that a living, breathing human being that is dependent on me was fighting for my attention from a device that 10 years ago you could only dial out or call into... man.... CONVICTING!
The Lord used this time to show me my children's need for me. This season of life I am in demands a different version of me. For YEARS (14 to be exact) I got PAID to be on my phone. I would get no less than 50 messages a day in some form communicating a need for my attention through my phone. I would run to the rescue by having my phone right there ready to go. I was on-call 24/7. I literally cut my phone on silent in 2012 and it has yet to be set back to ringing because I was so overwhelmed with all the communication that was happening. I had conditioned myself to be used to answering my phone at the drop of a hat.
That season is gone...
Though grateful for that season and the ability to be able to handle the demand, I am no longer a consultant at the demand of a customer. I am now a mother full time at the demand of toddlers. I don't miss those constant phone conversations or my phone pinging endlessly. I did, however, condition myself to being by my phone 24/7 and any conditioning or habit forming thing you do, MUST be replaced to be retraced! So instead of grabbing my phone for social media this week, I grabbed my phone for photo opportunities and my sweet babies held the space that once was held by people that don't depend on me. Just check out these photos I captured while IN THE MOMENT with my babies!
My babies got the most of momma. Uninterrupted time that they had been craving! The behavior issues that I was having out of my oldest, seemed to resolve almost immediately. One of his love languages is physical touch and the other is words of affirmation. He was missing both because momma had been conditioned to be by her phone. It will take time but its a habit I am willing to break!
Action to take...
I set timers on my social media for this week! When the time is out it will turn off and I will keep it off until the next day. Just like that weight loss plan where I stay away from the chocolate cake... yeah well now that chocolate cake in essence is social media. If that don't work, I will discipline myself enough to go back to taking the app off my phone completely. Scripture tells us in Proverbs 25:28 - He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls. Without walls? No protection from the enemy? Yeah, I don't want that to be my story!
The other realistic thing I did was planned my downtime of what I would do! I started reading more again because even with two toddlers, you still have time to read when they are down for their naps. I have been reading a book "Ordering Your Private World" by Gordon MacDonald and it aided in the conviction I do believe lol. The book (also including a study guide) helps reflect light on the parts of your life that are not up to par with the life God called you to. I find it fascinating and no coincidence that I picked this book up after owning it for nearly 2 years for the first time 2 weeks ago. I never touched it.
The Lord knows and sees beyond what we do. Since moving to Concord, NC and living in my new role as Pastor's wife and full time mother, I struggled with having that perfect peace that only comes from the Lord. I felt rushed when I had absolutely nothing urgent on my plate to accomplish. I remembered a line from a book I read years ago... An overwhelmed mind is usually a sign of an underwhelmed soul. Ok... underwhelmed soul... what could be causing that? How do you get to the root of that?
Know your bible...
I knew that the only thing that could be causing an overwhelmed mind is that I was getting too much of the WORLD and not enough of the WORD in me. I know that this world has absolutely nothing to offer me and though I LOVE being your Modest Momma... I am first and foremost the momma to Jed and Essie. They need my heart to be 100% aligned with what God is calling me to. I am no dummy to believe that a lot of how I was feeling wasn't an attack from the enemy. I am well aware it WAS and IS. Any time I feel rushed, hurried, frantic I immediately think of the verse 2 Timothy 1:7- For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. I was far from having a sound mind when I was feeling rushed and flustered.
Can you imagine trying to do soul-based things, like serving others, with your own soul not filled? Isn't that like trying to pour from an empty cup? That is where I found myself... pouring from an empty cup. The more you fill your cup, the more you can fill the cup of others. I was just doing out of duty and deed not out of the abundance of the heart like the Lord wants.
We are made for rest...
In a world that tells you that your worth is determined by your work ethic, PLEASE let me stop you and remind you of how truly UNBIBLICAL that advice is. When God made the world and everything in it... He worked! For 6 days, He spent time creating. He spent time working to give us all that we have today. BUT, on the 7th day He rested. This doesn't mean He would have worked a little less than those days that He actually worked... NO! He seized from movement. He STOPPED!!!! Of all the days that the Lord worked, not once did He sanctify these days. The days of working are not sanctified... HOWEVER, the day of REST, is! He saw it as so important to rest that He would sanctify the day of rest so that we could give at least one day of our lives back to Him each week in total dependence on who He is. Rest is something we are intended to do to show our trust and faith in God... that He will provide even while we rest. It's a true dependence that is acted out in resting!
I don't rest. I mean even sitting here typing my knee is going 100 miles a minute... I'm like that little hummingbird outside my window whose wings are just fluttering as fast as possible. Even when I am resting, I am moving. Whether it be my body or my mind thinking of all the things that I need to be doing other than sitting still. I am a list maker too that spends my time finding satisfaction in the checkmarks beside each item. If you don't rest, God will make you rest friend. I have been sick non-stop since February and I know now its because my body and my soul needed rest. I am able to enter into that deep rest that is only given as a gift to the Christian. It's a gift we are given, yet we avoid it like the plague. Why?
I believe that just like my husband says...
If the devil can't make you bad, he will make you busy.
Business is a disease that plagues our society more than we can even realize or comprehend because we have come to the resolution that everything should be moving at break-neck speed in order to be working correctly. Nothing at break-neck speed is correct. If the Lord moves softly and tenderly... if the Lord speaks quietly and in a still small voice... where do we get the concept that everything should be rushed and hurried? Satan himself. He is that father of lies and wants you to believe that unless you are "accomplishing" you are not doing what needs to be done.
What we need most friends is calmness.... stillness... We are called human beings but none of us are "being" we are more like human rats- running too and fro trying to make a buck, make ends meet, or BE something for social media to see. You have nothing to prove friend. You have no one here on this earth to impress.
When you live a life for an audience of ONE, there is no need to be plastering your emotions, opinions and filtered images all over social media.
This social media fast taught me so much, but my biggest takeaways were:
People will continue on witout me, but my children can't and wont.
No one needs me like my family needs me
There is a price to pay even though social media is free
This season demands a new me that I am working to cultivate
God has so many things waiting for me if I just slow down
My heart was longing for the Lord not likes on social media
Where do we go from here...
Maybe you find yourself in the same place doing the same thing. Taking an anxious breath as you open up the app again for the millionth time today. Maybe your family is vying for your attention and they are not getting it because you too are stuck in the never ending absque of social media! Whatever it may be, consider doing the following:
Take a social media break-remove the app from your phone completely
Limit your time on social media with social timers that are now available on most phones
Develop a WORD before WORLD mentality and be sure to get your time in with the Lord BEFORE opening the apps
If you find yourself going down the rabbit hole again, STOP, delete and retreat! Retreat back into resting.
Create a folder on your phone on a separate screen that you don't see often so you're not as tempted.
No matter what you do, I pray and challenge you to order your private world before you post to the public world- social media. And just like Jed slurping up the pee-water from the splash pad... I pray you take time to bask in the goodness of God and soak up all you can while you can. I see that water as His endless supply of goodness and I want to be like Jed just taking it all in. Slow down so you can speed up friend.
XOXO The Modest Momma,
Kimberly Perkins